Re-creation. Back to 2006.

I lost my old blog. One that holds several precious memories of me. One which describes the pain of me losing one of my loved one. My brother.

The reason why I am re-establishing this blog is because I do not wish to forget it. Time dilute pain. It dilute memories as well. Memories that holds precious moments of truth to me. Memories which turn me around and wake me up.

It was 2006, when my brother was diagnose with lymphoma cancer. I was working as a software engineer and having my first girlfriend at that point of time.

It was a fine afternoon, while I was playing my PC game, as usual, in the bedroom I shared with my brother. He walk past me and simply said: "I got cancer, don't tell mum first.". I replied: "orh.".

2 brothers sharing a room have its inconveniences, no doubt, especially when one is growing up. However, both of us is coming to age. I was 24 and him, 29, when he break the news to me. And by sharing a room, I get to know first hand, the pain that this sickness bring to my brother. Almost indescribable.

It was a long drawn process, the road to try to cure cancer. And in that process I learn a few very important things. Things that I feel I have to write down so that I can teach my son in the future in case time diluted it too much.

- when a person have a problem that can't be solved, he turns to god for help. Thus religion dependency is important, no matter how smart you are. It gives you hope, when there is none.

- when you are facing death in the face... nothing matters, not how rich you are, not how many girls you have banged, only who you have around you.

- your parents will never betray you and they are only the ones you can depend on when you truly need help. I saw a mother's love, and that pain she had, that pain she suffered, to take care of her dying son. The loss of one dearest to one slowly slipping away.

- if you have the chance to sleep. Sleep. Time is short, yes. But do not sacrifice sleep for play nor work, because I have witness my brother's pain, when he wants to sleep but are unable to. He have to slouch over a pillow in the seating position as once he lie down, he will cough continuously. For straight 7 days, it nearly drive him crazy. Thus, I enjoy a good nap. Its fortuitous that one can have a good night sleep.

There is more to come, but its enough for today.